The proliferation of comic book superheroes with their hi-tech gadgets and superhuman strength has made me nostalgic for that overlooked crime fighter — the physically-challenged, 1970’s, TV detective.
Among others, there was William Conrad as “Cannon†(fat), Buddy Ebsen as “Barnaby Jones†(old), and James Franciscus as “Longstreet†(blind). Cannon and Jones often had a thin, young guy sidekick who acted as their “muscle,†but by the end of the episode, had to be rescued by our more seasoned hero. The trio could mix it up when they had to. Cannon’s signature move was an angry stomach bump, which usually sent a bad guy flying and his snub-nosed .45 to the floor. Despite being 80 years-old, Barnaby Jones could beat any 20 year-old in a foot race, and then employ some type of leg whip to knock the bad guy unconscious. If Barnaby happened to be fighting an Asian guy, he might throw in a kick or two, just to show that he was a cultured citizen of the world.
Longstreet used a cane to fell and whack bad guys, and also had a German Shepherd, which in the pre-Pit Bull era, was a scary dog.
Most 1970’s, TV detectives, including Bosley and all six Charlie’s Angels, drove vehicles supplied by the Ford Motor Company, huge LTD’s and Lincoln Continentals. Good thing there wasn’t an automobile crisis back then; Cannon, in particular, would not have been comfortable in a hybrid vehicle or Zipcar.
My own pathetic attempt at paying homage to the genre was to dress up as Columbo one Halloween in my dad’s tattered trench coat and water-sogged Hush Puppies. Unlike the others, Columbo’s challenge was mental – he couldn’t remember the crucial details of the cases he was trying to solve and had to be reminded of the clues by the criminal himself.
Lost in a sea of Waynes and Garths, which were popular costumes that Halloween, I concluded that my Columbo getup was too subtle for my New Jersey neighborhood. The sole acknowledgement I received was from a dapper gentleman in a car who mistook me for a bum and told me to “get out of the neighborhood†or he would call the police. In true Columbo style, I asked him where he got his stylish Polo shirt because my girlfriend wanted me to get one just like it.
By the way, this blog entry is a Quinn Martin Production.